“You are no hero if the people that mean the most to you think the least of you.”
Rabbi Shmuley
This is a quote from Rabbi Shmuley during an interview he did with Darren Hardy for Success magazine. Shmuley was talking about his personal experience of getting caught up in the crusade to save the world, at the expense of the people that mean the most to him – his family. When he realized what he was doing he made changes to his schedule in order to make family a priority in his life.
Why am I talking about this on an Excellence in Training blog? Because we do the same thing. Most of the great trainers I know are dedicated and passionate to a fault. You see training not as a job, or a career, but as a calling. As a result you never learn to say no.
Tell me if this sounds familiar. Someone in your agency approaches you asking if you can provide some training in a specific area or tactic. You look at the calendar and realize it is already full. In order to do the training you are going to have to stay after your regular shift is over, or come in on your day off. You have something planned with the family that you will have to miss if you agree to do the training. You think about it briefly then say yes to the training because training is important. After all if you do not do it for them the officers may have to go without and someone may get hurt or killed because they did not get the training. You go home and once again apologize to your family sure they will understand the importance of the work you do. If this has never happened to you then jump ahead to the bottom of the post and sign up for the 2012 Legacy of Excellence Conference. If this is all too familiar to you, keep reading.
Confession time. I am more guilty of this than anyone. In my last 8 1/2 years with the Calgary Police Service I was in a full time training position. I worked the equivalent of 2 1/2 years of unpaid overtime in that 8 1/2 years. I have few regrets from my 25 year career however, the amount of time I spent at work in the last 8 1/2 years is my biggest. I very rarely, if ever, missed either of my son’s soccer, basketball, football or rugby games. But, I still spent too much time at work. Time that could have been spent at home and I would have been less tired when I was at home. I still struggle with this as my schedule grows more hectic and I spend more time on the road.
I understand that training for many of us is a calling. I applaud the passion and commitment you have. Training is critically important. So is your family. Too many officers pay lip service to making family a priority and make work and training a priority. You convince yourself your family understands. Yes, they understand. They understand they are not as important as your job. They understand your work is more important than your family. They believe you love your work more than you love them.
Take a few moments and reflect on Rabbi Shmuley’s quote then as yourself what changes you need to make starting now. Maybe you need to learn to say no more often to work and yes more often to your family.
“You are no hero if the people that mean the most to you think the least of you.”
Rabbi Shmuley
On a side note, I find it curious that older cops criticize the new generation of officers who do not want to work overtime and who value their time off to spend it with their family and friends. How many of us ‘older generation cops’ reflected at the end of our career and wish we had done that? Why are we being critical of a generation who does not want to wait until the end of a career and reflect on the failed marriages and strained relationships with their kids? We should encourage that and learn from them.
Take care.
Brian Willis
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